we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
