then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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