you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
