there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
