East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
