hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Two words: nipple clamps
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