we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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