Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
