hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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