barbara walters just said penis...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
