If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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