why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
