i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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