I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
