i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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