you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
