he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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