Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
