our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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