so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
