we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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