Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
