never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
