my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
