i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
