I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
