I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
