I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
