woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
