Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think my moral compass just broke
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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