her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
