So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
