you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
