i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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