So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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