And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
