Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ttyl tear gas
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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