last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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