If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
