Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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