Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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