Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
