Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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