i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
