"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my shit smells like andre
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
