So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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