Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
