Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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