I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
