I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
